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A day in the life

Facebook Jail: Day 22

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September 01, 2015

Today I witnessed a fellow inmate get brutally beaten by a couple of the butch inmates. It was horrific. I would have jumped to her aid but I was too busy pinning her down and laughing manically.

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Facebook Jail: Day 15

August 25, 2015

Half way through my sentence now. Sometimes it gets really lonely behind bars. I mean I've got my cell mate for company but she's still not talking to me after the Justin Bieber incident. I mean she physically can't talk after I jammed her MP3 player down her throat. There's always Big Bertha and she keeps saying she likes my company but her idea of fun makes me feel dirty and degraded. I'd like to have more visitors. #FreeHeather

Facebook Jail: Day 27

September 06, 2015

It's Sunday and I was asked whether I wanted to accompany the rest of F-Wing to the prison chapel and confess my sins and cleanse my spirit. I said I'd rather stab my own eyes out and eat a plate of sick. I may or may not have used the word cunt in the same sentence as Jesus but I wasn't being blasphemous or anything.

Facebook Jail: Day 26

September 05, 2015

Prison changes a girl.

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Lady Daboecia: Lady Daboecia is a Dark Lady from the planet Geniusa and is descended from the ancient order of the Ericaceae. Her greatest power is said to come from the sarcasmohilic crystal; a rare orb found only in the wastelands of the planet Ironyus. She also wears the ring of Satire. She was conceived in a different galaxy to a badger and a unicorn and adopted by elves who lived in the Dingly Dell. She travelled to the distant wastelands of Retardia where she became part of the Beaver cult. However, she soon realised the beavers were unholy creations spawned from faeces of Justin Bieber. After discovering they were planning on taking over the universe and destroying all intelligent life, she took it upon herself to obliterate them. She amassed an army of Heatherists who operate under Carter Law and follow the philosophy of Carrotism. She created a syndicate known as the Carter Cartel. This comprises Caterway Retards, Carter Carrots, Carter Coconuts and Heathers Feathers and Leathers. However, all of this is just a front for her crime syndicate and protection racket that are used to buy obscene quantities of Red Bull and fund her ever growing mad empire that will soon take over the world.

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