A day in the life

Dear  Walid HL , Thanks for your messages asking me stupid questions like “how old am I?”, “do I have a boyfriend?”, “where do I come from?” among other annoying repetitive questions that can be answered by taking 2 minutes to read my profile. Your stupidity has been noted. Also, your apparent inability to understand me when I reply by saying “read my profile” also highlights your immense stupidity and/or ability to understand English and/or ability to read. I would also like to thank you for your (albeit unsurprising) enquiries of a sexual nature. You go to emphasise the common theory that Muslim men are mostly dirty, perverted inbred mutants with a penchant for goat sex and explosives, who are incapable of self control due to their backward beliefs brought on by following a prophet who was a known child molester. So, although you are not going to get an answer from me to any of your questions without colossal sarcasm being involved, I would like  to thank you for being a c...

Dear  Aditya Meena , Thank you for your constant stream of messages. Your bizarre questions asking me about chocolate poo, licking cats and whether I think you’re a virgin (yes I do by the way) are as confusing as they are enlightening. However, it is my duty to inform you that the Heatherist High Council has decided to deny you the right to be treated as a human due to your obvious case of “incestus moronica”, commonly known as “being an inbred twat”. You are therefore sentenced to “Heathercamp” where you will be mocked, ridiculed and insulted until you either block me or hang yourself (the latter would be preferable, especially with cheese wire). We hope you understand the decision. We also hope you get AIDS. Yours sincerely Heather Carter