Licking cat poo with a virgin

Dear Aditya Meena,

Thank you for your constant stream of messages. Your bizarre questions asking me about chocolate poo, licking cats and whether I think you’re a virgin (yes I do by the way) are as confusing as they are enlightening. However, it is my duty to inform you that the Heatherist High Council has decided to deny you the right to be treated as a human due to your obvious case of “incestus moronica”, commonly known as “being an inbred twat”. You are therefore sentenced to “Heathercamp” where you will be mocked, ridiculed and insulted until you either block me or hang yourself (the latter would be preferable, especially with cheese wire).

We hope you understand the decision. We also hope you get AIDS.

Yours sincerely

Heather Carter

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